What do you want to feel when you grow up? Reframing Decision Pressure
My oldest child is starting kindergarten this fall. In many ways, this is a milestone for us all. Our pandemic baby born into a world with so much uncertainty is starting her school journey. We are so excited for her!
In anticipation of school starting, I worked with her to fill out her obligatory first day of school board. I chuckled a bit when she said she loves “taking walks” given that was our main source of freedom the first year of her life on lockdown. When we got to the question of “what do you want to be when you grow up?” You can see her response below:
Back to School Board
Knowing Alice, this response is not overly surprising. She is regularly forcing her siblings to play doctor, tormenting her brother with fake shots and claiming she’s the only one qualified to hold her baby sister. However, when I asked her why she wants to be a Doctor , she said something that really struck me. Without skipping a beat she said “It feels nice to help people, so it seems like a good thing to do”. Certainly a 5-year-old is not thinking of the complexities of career mapping, schooling involved, or salaries when thinking about the answer to this question. She focused on the feeling she wants to have while working when she grows up.
As she regularly does, she flipped the script and immediately said, “Mom, what do you want to be when you grow up?” Besides thinking it was adorable that she doesn’t think I am a grown up (I mean..am I really?!), I wanted to try and give her the best answer that I could without confusing her. I said, “I like helping people, and I try to do that no matter the role that I have because I feel fulfilled knowing I am making a difference”. She listened to my answer, smiled and then quickly asked me what I was packing in her lunch for the first day of school.
The conversation was brief, but it got me thinking about how much pressure society puts on kids, teens and adults to have it all figured out. Why on earth do we care about the occupational goals of an adult, let alone a 5 year old? The real question we should be asking ourselves is, how do I want to feel when I grow up?
There are millions of occupations most people have never heard of, and there will be millions more created in the next decade that do not exist today. Reflecting on the type of work environment, the opportunities you value and the impact you want to make lays the foundation for your occupation but does not pigeonhole you into signing your name in blood on the decision. Knowing yourself and moving towards roles that coincide with your values can elevate your search strategy and increase your satisfaction in the long run. Is there truly a role someone can pinpoint wanting for the rest of their lives, or is it more of the perfect storm of alignment we are chasing?
Next time someone asks you what you want to do or be, I challenge you to think like Alice and give an answer that honors your values. You may surprise yourself with what you come up with…
